A List of Things That Don’t Make You A Writer

So true.

CLASH

When I moved to Austin, I was surprised to learn that every guy and gal hanging out at a coffee shop was a novelist, every barista was sitting on a few truly outstanding, and unpublished, literary masterpieces, and everyone with a beard, a bike or a flowery skirt was either a great poet, the next Flannery O’Connor or the creator of the most amazing movie script in the history of scripts. It took me a week to figure out it was all bullshit. Then I learned that it’s even worse online. To help you figure it out faster, and to clarify things for all the “writers” out there, here’s a list of things that don’t make you a writer:

  1. Owning a laptop.
  2. Going to a coffee shop.
  3. Owning a cat.
  4. Putting the word author in your Twitter bio.
  5. Drinking/talking about/enjoying coffee.
  6. Living next to a university.
  7. Hanging out with writers.

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Thanks for Nothing, Assholes

Thanks for Nothing, Assholes
(a poem)
by Victor T. Cypert

What we scraped out of Roswell
sent us down the dead-end road
of semi-conductors and binary algorithms,
transistors and integrated circuits,
dot-com booms and Bit-Coin blues,
low-current diodes and high-powered fans
riveted to titanic heatsinks
as our CPUs crunched away
at endless distraction.

We were meant to be a people
of flint glass and copper tubes,
zinc plates against asbestos padding,
coils and capacitors and crystals–
low-tech monsters in world-sized ships
out to prey on the stars.

Just got to wait for it to warm up, first….