A Special Message this Pride Month to Ryan Reynolds

Dear Ryan,

On behalf of the gay male community, I have been instructed to renew our bid for you to come and play for our team. We’ve made several offers in the past, but I think we’ve got it this time.

First, as mentioned before, we’re willing to let you wear purple anytime, anywhere, in any shade you want. Plum? You got it. Lilac? Yup. Royal? You’ll slay it, queen!

Second, as previously stipulated, you’ll get to cohost Drag Race with RuPaul for one full season. What does that mean? Fuck if I know, but be prepared for back rolls.

Third, even though he is married now, we’re allowing you access to Anderson Cooper–all of Anderson Cooper–from those darling silver locks all the way down to his pristine Vanderbilt toes. Anderson’s husband won’t mind; none of us would mind if you fucked our significant others, provided we get to watch.

Fourth, a Black & Decker cordless sander, as we promised earlier.

And finally, to sweeten the deal, we promise never to mention The Green Lantern movie ever again. From now on you’re just Deadpool to us and anyone who says otherwise gets their feelings hurt and their eyes gouged.

So, what do you say, Ryan? We got a deal or what?

Sincerely,

Victor T. Cypert
Spokesman for Teh Gehs

Shriek into the Void...

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